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Tips & Tools
There are some simple things you can do almost every day to maintain a good relationship. Try following these useful tips from marriage scholars, educators and practitioners.
- Be careful about criticizing your in-laws; most spouses will defend their own family even if they agree with the criticism.
- Never stop dating each other. It's what couples do to fall in love, and it's unfortunately what too many couples stop doing when they get married.
- When you have a problem with your spouse, look in the mirror first! Look for how you might be contributing to things going poorly.
- It's always easier to change your attitude or behavior than it is to change your spouse.
- Try calling "time out" when an argument starts to get out of control. Take a break and pick back up when you both have had time to calm down.
- Most married people crave more appreciation than they receive from their partners.
- Tell your spouse what you like and admire about her or him. These words will go a long way.
- Don't mind read. When talking to your partner don't assume you know the thoughts or feelings behind the words; let your spouse tell you.
- Don't try to solve a problem before you each understand each other. These premature solutions rarely work.
- Listen to what your partner is saying, even if the way it is said bothers you.
- How you begin a conversation usually determines how it ends. If you need to have a difficult conversation with your spouse, start off the conversation with something positive.
- Remember that all couples will have problems. It's how you handle them that determines your happiness in your marriage.
- Find 15 minutes a day to give your partner your full attention. Turn off the TV, put away the newspaper, and make sure your kids are occupied elsewhere.
- Every couple has a few problems that never go away. Happily married couples learn to accept this fact.
- Learn to see the difference between normal marriage problems and truly unacceptable ones, such as violence and abuse.
- Make a big deal of your wedding anniversary. Treat it like the birthday of your marriage.
If you want more tips sign up for a marriage education workshop near you! If you and your partner are struggling with specific issues which are causing problems you may want to seek marriage counseling or couple therapy.
Taken from the National Healthy Marriage Information Resource Center. Visit them on the web at www.healthymarriageinfo.org
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